My New Year's Tradition



I have been doing something every year on New Years for as long as I can remember.  I don't remember why I started, or how I started this tradition.  I guess it doesn't matter.

For many years before/on the 31st of December I wrote a list of everything that I wanted to "get rid of" in my life.  Things I didn't want to show up in my life in the new year. For example- financial issues, being single, feeling angry or sad...etc .  I stopped doing that particular list a couple of years ago.  I felt like I didn't want to focus on what I didn't like anymore.  That is what I used to do more of in the past...focus on what I didn't want, or didn't like or what didn't work.  I used to take the list and burn it sometime during the last few hours of the year.  I believed the negative energy drifted off into the smoke and out my life.

Now I make a list of everything that I am grateful for that happened in the year.  I find the list to be more light, and happy and an all round amazing experience.  Making the list helps me stay present to how full and wonderful my life is.  I don't burn the list anymore either...there is nothing negative in the list that needs to be carried away out of my life.

So I'd like to share my list with you (in no particular order)!!  This list will get longer as I think of more that I am grateful for!  Maybe this will inspire you to start the same tradition!!

-love that I receive and that I give to/from friends, family, strangers and myself
-my cozy and safe apartment
-clean water to drink
-hot showers/baths
-clean air
-always food in my fridge, cupboards and tummy!
-my health
-all 5 senses in tack and working perfectly!
-my beautiful/amazing/loving/inspirational/generous/supportive friends
-my family -mom, dad, sister, twin brother, sister-in-law and my 2 beautiful nieces...one born in Aug and one who is almost 6 years old!
-technology-computer, cell phone
-buying my new camera this summer
-the gift of "my eye" in photography
-living in the most spectacular city- Vancouver
-living close to the seawall and taking the opportunities to walk/run/play on it
-keeping up my running and desire to stay/be healthy
-my car
-safe travels in my car
-money to pay my bills, gas, food, and entertainment items
-the ocean, mountains, trees, stars, the sun, the moon, rain, snow, sand, dirt, flowers (the list is literally endless!!)...Mother Nature/Mother Earth
-my beautiful smile
-my beautiful and expressive eyes
-my sense of wonder and child-like nature (playing in and exploring the world)
-my creativeness (making my jewellery and calendars, photography, knitting...)
-chocolate
-my snowshoes/bike/running shoes/rollerblades
-my innate willingness and ability to keep expanding my awareness of myself and life
-music that moves me
-movies that make me laugh and cry
-the abundance of life/universe
-for having had my little man in my life (Zac)
-my job working with amazing co-workers and children
-my clown character Penelope and my clown best friend Sally Jo Bobby Flo
-laughter
-sushi
-my fireplace
-my electric blanket for making my bed even cozier!
-flannel sheets
-expressing my emotions and feeling from my heart
-free tickets to the Nutcracker
-having Vancouver host the Olympics (I had SOOOOOO much fun!)
-crossing off 2 things from my bucket list (seeing the Nutcracker and climbing The Chief)
-TV shows that I like- Modern Family, Glee, Grey's Anatomy, The Amazing Race
-my growing appreciation and gratitude of life/universe
-spending Christmas with family (one high light-watching my niece put out cookies and carrots for Santa and the reindeer...so sweet and full of magic)
-having my friends J&P back in my life
-always having a place to stay when I visit friends in Victoria
-having started my blog and expressing myself through words
-my willingness to keep picking myself up after "bad dating" experiences and keep believing he is out there
-having an extended medical plan at work
-having my brother and his family live close enough for me to see them every month or so
-having friends that love to explore and play with me


Then on the 1st of January I write all the things I would like to create/come into my life.  Here is my list so far.  And this list will get longer as well as I think/dream of more.

-being in relationship with the love of my life/man of my dreams
-increased self awareness and self love
-becoming financially free by the end of the year
-being in the present moment every moment
-more playing and exploring
-getting on a plane and going somewhere I have never been before
-crossing 3 more things off my bucket list
-identifying my unique and special talents/abilities/ideas and creating something prosperous and fulfilling with them

I love looking back over the year and seeing all that has happened and feeling so much love and gratitude for it all.  Then, I love to create and be open for what is going to happen in the new year.  The more gratitude I feel and share, the more I know I am in the present moment.  There is nothing there that lacks, is missing, no fear, and no worries.  I have everything I need when I am present in the moment.  I believe what I focus on expands, so I choose to focus on all that I have, all that I love, all the beauty around me and all of that makes my heart sing and burst open.  I am truely blessed.

May you have a wonderful last few days of 2010.  May you create and be open for all that makes your heart sing in 2011.

Here is a song that I love, that moves me emotionally and physically and that I see as great metaphor for moving into the New Year.  Doesn't New Year's have a lot of fireworks??!!  Why not be one yourself!!

Loves of my Life!

I've been looking back over this past year and what really stands out over everything else are my friendships.  I have amazing friends.  Really amazing friends.  I am moved to tears when I think of all the people who I have in my life who love me, support me, respect me, accept me, listen to me, guide me, coach me, laugh with me, inspire me, play with me... I love my friends.  I can't really put how I feel into words.  There are no words that can express the amount of love, gratitude, respect and awe that I have for them.  These people that I choose to have in my life add so much colour, fun, adventure, humour, ideas, new views, passion, vitality, beauty, vivaciousness, deliciousness, awareness, sweetness, energy, light, magic  and soooooooo much love.  I would not be who I am today if I did not have these most incredible human beings (I actually think many of them are angels!) in my life.

I want to introduce some of them to you!

Here is Ally.  My Ally!  What can I say about this bright light in my life.  We have the most silly times together.  That is who we are...silly and fun and self expressed and childlike. 

We met in Ontario when I got a job as a clown doctor.  Yes, we are clowns.  But that is a story for another time!!  Thank you Ally for all the fun, laughs, joy, adventures, inspiration, light and love.  You have ALWAYS been there for me through thick and thin.  I know I can count on you for anything.  I know you will always be there for me.  I will always be here for you too. I know you love me exactly as I am.  Thank you for that. I am at a loss of words to express how I feel about our friendship.  I love you!!



Clowning around with Ally



Lori!!  Look at that smile!  She is the most smiley person I know!!  She is also one of the most loving, generous and kind person I have the honour of knowing!  Thank you Lori for all your love, kind words and encouragement over the years!!  You have such a huge heart.  Thank you for sharing it with me and the world!  Love you!

Lori's wedding 2008

Corinna!  She was my side kick during the Olympics.  Literally, we pretty much spent every evening together living it up in our city when the Olympics were in town last February.  We had so much fun!!  We met at work a few years ago.  We just live down the street from each other.  I know that I can call her up and she would be there on the other end of the phone, or inviting me over and listening to me with an open heart.  Thank you Corinna for all your love and support.  For loving me just as I am and cheering me on.  I love you!!

My side kick (Corinna) and I playing during the Olympics

Katy.  Oh Katy!!  Katy is a firecracker!!  She has so much life in her and she knows how to laugh!!  She has always been there for me, never judging and always listening with such compassion and love.  We met a few years ago at a workshop and we live just down the street from each other.  We are close to each other in both heart and home.  Thank you Katy for your amazing laugh, your listening and your love and support!  You always cheer me up and cheer me on!!  Love you!


Katy and I playing in the summer of 2010

 Anju.  She is my sister from another mother!  I love her!  She makes me laugh.  All I can do is smile and shake my head when I think of her!  She is a women who loves.  She is so fun when we go out and play!  We are like 2 kids giggling and laughing when we are together.  We have overcome a lot in our friendship.  Thank you Anju for being there for me.  For never giving up on our friendship. For loving me just as I am.  Much love to you.

Anju and I at the Celebration of Light in July 2010

Maddy.  She is an amazing friend.  We have been best friends since we were 7 years old.  Maddy has been such a positive influence on me.  She is someone who sees the positive in everything.  She always has a smile on her face and laughs at almost everything.  She has seen me through the very worst and the very best and has never left me or judged me through it all.  I haven't seen her in 3 years as she lives in Ontario.  But whenever we talk, it is like no time has passed.  Maddy, I don't think I would be here if I didn't have you to grow up with.  We were my safe place, my bright light, my soul sister.  You kept my secrets and trusted me with yours.  You have loved me and accepted me all these years. I love you with my whole heart.

Maddy with her dog Sherrah

Andrea.  Beautiful Andrea.  I have known Andrea since kindergarden.  Through the years she has been so kind and generous with me.  So accepting, so loving.  Andrea, I know a lot of time has passed since we last connected, but I want you to know how much you mean to me.  I have very fond memories of high school because of you.  Thank you for being a such warm and caring friend.  I love you!

Andrea's wedding in 2006

Rita.  Oh Rita!!!  Goddess, I don't know what to say about this woman!  She lives and loves large.  I am talking REALLY BIG!!!  This woman takes on her life like no other I know.  This woman loves like no other I know.  If you want to be inspired, all you have to do is know of her, or read her blog (http://cinderitaadventures.blogspot.com/), or spend a short period of time with her.  Thank you Rita for being such a powerful example of how to LIVE and LOVE!!  LOVE LOVE LOVE you!!  XOXOXO

It's always a celebration around Rita!!

 Nicole.  Hmmm....Nicole is Nicole.  There is no one else quite like her!  She is so much fun.  So much energy.  So self expressed.  So "tell it like it is".   I know that she only wants the best for me, that she wants me and her other friends to have the best friggin life ever!  Thank you Nicole for you. I smile such a huge smile when I think of you.  I know that when I talk to you, you help me see things in a different light.  You are such a bright and sparkly light.  Thank you for sharing your light with me and helping me shine my own!  Love you!

Nicole and I on Halloween 2010

 Trish.  One word that pops into my mind when I think of Trish...is yummy!  She exudes such delicious Goddess energy.  She is powerful, and determined, very girly, smiley, warm, kind, caring.  I love talking with her.  She hears everything I say with such an open heart.  Thank you Trish for being an inspiring, powerful and luscious example of Goddess energy. Love you!

Having a girly night with Trish!

 There are so many other people who add so much to my life as well!  Here are more pictures!  If your not mentioned or not in the photos does not mean you have not added something to my life!

Celebrating after doing the Polar Bear swim 2010



Snowshoeing and having fun!



Children crossing!!

One of our many beach parties 2010



Janna.  I love her!



Surrounded by love!



Beautiful friends!




More beautiful friends!

I look at all these faces and I smile and I cry tears of joy and gratitude.  These people, these amazing people make my life friggin' extraordinary.  I am so blessed.  Thank you to everyone who is in my life.  For being you.  For all your love.  You make my life juicy.



Magic on a Mountain Top

I witnessed magic on top of a mountain today!

Let me start at the beginning of the day.  I had an open schedule today.  No plans at all.  I called some friends to see if we could go and do something together, but everyone I talked to was busy.  I was a little bummed out.  I was actually feeling sorry for myself and thinking, "If only I had a boyfriend, I would have had plans today too!"  I started going down the slippery slope of my dark rabbit hole, but caught myself before getting to far down.  Instead of wallowing and throwing myself a pity party,  I choose to go snowshoeing up on Grouse Mountain instead.  I have a pass that allows me to go up on the gondola as many times as I want in a year.  I bought snowshoes this past January and haven't had many opportunities to use them so I thought this was a perfect time to go.

For me, there is something so magical and exciting about snow.  I feel like a kid.  The anticipation of seeing just how wintery it was up on Grouse was overwhelming!!  Being on the gondola and watching us pass over the naked green trees into a scene of a forest dressed in it's finest whites put a huge smile of my face.  Seeing the rain that hit the windows change into beautiful snowflakes put an even bigger smile on my face!  I was so happy about my decision to come and play on Grouse today!!

Stepping off the gondola was like stepping into a winter wonderland!  It was hard to believe that 6 minutes before it felt like it was spring!  I didn't have a coat, toque or mittens on.  It was raining a little too.  Now, here I was standing in snow inches thick that crunched under my feet!!  There were so many people up there!  I loved watching little wee kids in full ski gear boot down the mountain with no fear.  Kids on the skating rink wibbling and wobbling!  People in line for the sleigh rides and a visit with Santa.  So fun!

I strapped on my snowshoes and headed up Dam Mountain.  I pulled out my big camera as I was so inspired by the beauty and I couldn't stop taking pictures.  I have a thing for photography (http://www.invokephotography.com/).  I lose myself in the moment.  Everything stops.  My mind is so focussed when I am taking pictures.  I couldn't stop smiling!  Today was a day of pure enjoyment. I was doing things I loved so much - photography, being active and exploring the outdoors.  I was in heaven!!

So up I went.  Oh dear, I forgot how hard it was.  It is called Dam Mountain for a reason...because it is DAM hard!!  Straight up.  I stopped many times to catch my breath and used the time to take more pictures.  I also used the breaks to talk to some people that were on the same adventure.  There was one couple who I talked to a few times.  The woman was getting tired and didn't know if she could make it to the top.  I encouraged her by saying that it wasn't to much further and that the view on the top was worth all the struggle (I kept having to tell myself that too!).  I finally made it to the top.  I was busy taking pictures when I saw the couple come up.  I congratulated them for pushing themselves and making it to the peak!  I continued taking more pictures.

I was packing up my gear when I turned to them and asked which way they were heading down.  She turned to me with a huge smile and I saw the man place a ring on her finger!  I was witnessing a marriage proposal!!  No, I actually interrupted a marriage proposal!!  I screamed I think!  And then I apologized!  And then I jumped up and down, clapping my mitted hands together!  And then I asked if they wanted me to take pictures.  They handed me their camera and I asked them to do it all over again!!  They laughed, and the man got back down on one knee and slipped the ring back on her finger!   It was so beautiful!!  It was so perfect!!  The snowy backdrop and the gently falling snow made it all the more magical!!  I almost cried.  Being a part of something so rare and beautiful has renewed my faith in love, magic and life.  We all couldn't stop laughing and smiling!!  I pulled out my big camera and took a few pro shots for them too!!  They thanked me for being a support, for encouraging them to keep going. They said the moment might not have happened exactly as it did if it wasn't for me!! 

 The fun of the day didn't end there!!  The way back down was to steep to walk, so I got down on my bum and slid most of the way down!!  I couldn't stop laughing!!  I stopped once to indulge my child within even more by making a snow angel!!  I was so excited, so inspired and so moved by the events and experiences of my day, that I waited in line to visit Santa.  I HAD to ask him for something very special for Christmas!  I sat on his knee and he asked if I had been a good girl this year!!  I told him that I was, and he asked what I wanted for Christmas.  I asked him for the "Love Of My Life" for Christmas.  He smiled, and I swear I saw a twinkle in his eye!  He said he would do his best and also said he didn't think I should have a problem finding the love of my life as I seemed to be a good and beautiful person!  Thanks Santa!

That was my day.  Mountains, snow, snowshoeing, picture taking, snow angels, bum sliding, Santa, laughter, marriage proposal and....magic.  Pure magic!

"Thanks"

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings." William Arthur Ward

I have really started to work and build my muscle called "Gratitude". When I am not present to gratitude I am usually in a place of lack...a place where I am thinking about what I don't have, what I want and what is missing. When I am down and out (usually heading down the rabbit hole) I have been starting to shift my focus off of what I don't have onto what I do have. I have started to just say "Thank you" for everything. I guess I am saying thanks to the universe, to whoever is listening as I believe I am never alone.

When I wake up in the morning I say "Thanks" for a warm and cozy bed in a beautiful safe apartment. When I go for a run I always stop at the opening of English Bay and say "Thank You" for the beautiful place in which I live and "Thanks" to my body for being strong and healthy. When I am in the shower I say "Thanks" for the hot water, soap and shampoo. When I am preparing food I say "Thanks" for all of the delicious food that will feed and nourish my amazing body. When I get out of my car after driving I always say "Thanks" for a safe drive in my amazing car. At work I say "Thanks" for my job, for the income it creates and for the fun people I work with and the love and laughter from the kids. As I type this I say "Thanks" for my computer and the technology that allows me to communicate with people I know and don't know all over the world. When I feel alone, I stop and say "Thanks" for all my friends and family who love and cherish me. I continue saying thanks throughout my day, all day for big things and little things. As I fall asleep, I go over my day and say "Thanks" for everything all over again.

I say "Thanks" to a lot to people in my life all the time too. I love letting them know that I appreciate them and that they make a difference to me in my life.

"Feeling gratitude but not expressing it is like wrapping up a present and not giving it." William Arthur Ward

The word "Thanks" is becoming the most frequently used word in my vocabulary. I am saying it all the time, for everything that I see, touch, taste, smell, hear and feel. Everytime I say "Thanks", I am building my muscle, making it stronger and ever more present in my life. When I stop and look at my life, I see I have so much to be thankful for. I sometimes become so overwhelmed with gratitude that I get so emotional that the tears start flowing and I feel my heart open . I am surrounded by so much love and goodness.

When I am in the present moment, all there is for me is gratitude. There is no past. There is no future. I am without longing and wanting. I am enough. I have enough.

Love in a Wee Little Package

Meet Zac. This is my little man. He's not mine, but he has been a huge part of my life this year. I have been his nanny since March when he was 7 weeks old. I had my last shift with him tonight. His parents have been relocated back to Australia and are obviously taking him with them. I am sad, so very sad to see him go. I haven't been able to hold back the tears since I found out a couple of weeks ago that they are leaving.

If you have your own kids or have kids in your life who are close to you, I am sure you will get this...my heart has gotten bigger since he has been in my life. I keep picturing The Grinch and how his heart swelled 3 sizes larger at the end of the movie. Not saying I had a heart 2 sizes to small to begin with, but that the love I have felt (and still feel) for him is something I haven't experienced a huge amount of before. (I do have 2 beautiful nieces, and my love from them is HUGE, HUGE, HUGE as well!). For me, babies are a space for love and intimacy. That's it. They want nothing else from people and they call for that love and intimacy from others as well. At least that is what my experience is. I think that is true for many people though. Have you ever watched someone's mood shift in the presence of a baby?? They could appear to be in such a crabby mood and then they see a baby and their whole energy shifts. They smile, their eyes brighten, their voice changes, their body loosens and they are engaged fully with the baby. My whole being shifted when I saw him. I could have had the worst day, been so tired and feeling ill and just wanted to curl up in bed and never come out, but as soon as I saw him...oh man...all of that disappeared. I melted when I saw him. My heart expanded everytime I was with him. That is the magic of Zac. That is the magic of babies. That is who they are for me...pure magic, love, joy and innocence. And I have had the pleasure of being around a sweet baby boy for 3-4 nights a week for months. No wonder my heart has grown 3 sizes larger!

Thank you to my little man. Thank you for letting me take care of you and love you. Thank you for bringing out the best of me. Thank you for being the space of love in my life. My heart will never be the same again.

Going Down the Rabbit Hole...Not This Time!

If you know me, you know my dating history!  And I am sure you are smiling right now thinking about it!  If you don't, well you wouldn't believe the stories if I told you!  I have people begging me to tell them one of my dating stories at parties and get togethers all the time!  I love watching people's faces as I go into great detail about the trials and tribulations of my world of dating.  Mouths drop, eyes pop out, heads shake out of disbelief and so much laughter!  I laugh now too.  But at the time of each of these experiences, I wasn't laughing at all.  I was heartbroken, sad, angry, pissed off and a great big "F*@& YOU" to men and life in general.  I kept asking myself and whoever else was listening, "Why Me?!.  Do I have a huge sign on my forehead saying that I am looking for guys to break my heart and treat me like sh**??"  I would go down the rabbit hole of self destruction.  I would tell myself that I didn't matter to them, that I wasn't important, I was completely forgettable, that they just wanted to get laid and that they didn't care about me.....the thoughts were endless and ever furthering me deeper into the blackness.

Now, I have had a couple of wonderful men in my life that loved me, but I would still find something wrong and go down the rabbit hole.  I am realizing that it is a habit for my mind to go there, into the darkenss.  It is comfortable there, even though it is not comfortable. But it is what it knows.  I have however, seen something new for myself in the last couple of weeks.  I met a guy at a Thanksgiving party (thanks to a friend who set us up!) and I was noticing that I was going down the rabbit hole because of stuff he did do or stuff he didn't do.  It was all too familiar the feelings of  "I'm not important.  I'm not cared about.  I'm already forgotten....."  In a moment last week, I got that I had thought these thoughts before and felt these feelings before...in almost every experience I have had with men.  Hmmmm...interesting.  I looked at it, standing on the outside of my thoughts and feelings as if I was an observer. I saw something so great, so amazing!  I saw that was my story/thoughts about myself.  I had this story/thoughts that I was not important, not loved, easily forgotten and disposable.  Wow!  That was the story, the thoughts that have been underlying my life!  I saw that I attracted men into my life so as to keep this crazy story going!!  It wasn't them, it was me who doing this to myself!  Do you know how liberating it was to get to that place of realization!  I didn't have to be angry with any of these men!  I could let go of the sadness and darkenss about my experiences with them!!  I could be grateful for them!! They just played an Oscar winning performance in my Life Story called "I'm Not Important"!!!  I have decided to close that particular storybook.  I'm not even going to finish a chapter in it...I mean I am CLOSING THE BOOK!!  Forever!!  YAY!!  I did just that the other night.  I saw a picture in my mind of a really, really, really old leather bound book, covered in dust, thousands of pages thick, slam shut with such force it echoed for minutes!!! 

I am not saying that I haven't started going down the rabbit hole again though.  I did start to go down the hole again this week when I didn't hear back from this guy I met at Thanksgiving.  When I met him, he told me he was moving from Vancouver back to Ontario in the middle of November.  I chose to still be with him for the few weeks he was in town and I did have fun!  However, over the past 2 weeks I have hardly heard from him at all, and I never saw him again. He moved yesterday.  Instead of going back into my old stories, I realized that everything I tell myself is a story.  It is all made up.  Who knows what he was thinking, what he wanted, how he felt about me?? I may never know.  But why tell myself something that will make me feel like shit?  Why tell myself something that will take me into the darkness of my rabbit hole??  So I have chosen to tell myself a new story about my experience with him, a far more empowering one!! Here it is...He liked me so much that he couldn't bear to talk to me again or see me before he moved as it would have been to heartbreaking for him to leave.  Simple, sweet and light!  I like this story much better then my old one.  That book is closed and locked! 

Time to starting writing a new book.  I think starting to write this blog is great way to do that!

Much love and gratitude.

Writing...A New Beginning

I've been wanting to write a blog for awhile now but haven't felt like I had anything to say.  "Who am I to think I have anything important to say and who cares what I do have to say??"  Actually, that is just part of the reason I hadn't started blogging.  The main reason is that I have been afraid that I don't know how to write what I've been wanting to say. 

I've had the idea that I couldn't write for years.  I actually have proof I can't.  I was diagnosed with a learning disability when I was in university.  I found it hard (and still do) to read the simplest things.  I had to keep rereading and rereading the same thing again and again.  It took me hours to get through a couple pages of a text book.  I couldn't get through 2 pages without crying because I didn't understand it and couldn't remember what I had read 2 minutes earlier. I would get welts all over my body from the stress of studying.  I couldn't write down what I wanted to say.  All my words formed perfect sentences in my mind but got all jumbled up when I went to write them out.  I couldn't sit in a lecture and listen and take notes at the same time.  I didn't understand what was wrong with me.  Everyone else seemed to be breezing through the courses with no problems!  They were taking notes, listening and smiling all at the same time!  I confessed my anguish to a counselor and they suggested I get tested.  The results came back.  LEARNING DISABLED.  I have to admit that what I felt was relief.  There was a condition responsible for my difficulties and it wasn't "me".  I thought it was me for years,  that I wasn't smart enough or good enough or something like that.

I got a lot of help from the university.  They had someone come to my lectures and take notes so I could just listen.  Someone taped themselves reading all my textbooks so I could listen and read at the same time.  My sister sat with me at the computer and she graciously typed what I was spitting out into the most beautiful sentences. I am so grateful for all the help that I received.  It did make life a little easier although it was still tough. Really tough.  And it still is.  I still experience these difficulties. 

I am so scared to write.  I still freak out and cry sometimes and my heart feels like it is jumping out of my chest.  It has taken me over 7 hours within a week to write this one blog entry.  I keep trying to get it right.  I keep reading it over and changing it.  I keep comparing my writing and wishing it was like other peoples' writing.  I want to be them.  I want the words to flow and be whimsical and impacting.  I have it that I should be able to sit down and whip off an entry in minutes.  I get that my words might not make a difference. I might not having flowing sentences and a whimsical sense of humour.  I will have spelling mistakes, grammar errors and disjointed ideas and I am afraid that people will judge me for all of this.  But I am writing.   The voice inside my head is yelling at me so loud right now saying "You can't do this!! You're not a writer!  You are making a fool of yourself!  People will judge you because of your spelling and grammar!  You have nothing to say!  You suck at this!!!"  Well....Screw the voice!  I have listened to that voice for too long.  I have kept myself small listening to that voice.  People are going to judge me no matter what I do!  So, here I am. Writing. I am way out of my comfort zone. I am sooooo uncomfortable.  That is how I know I am growing, expanding, creating myself anew. 

I am writing...a new beginning.  Welcome.